Agree and Disagree in Love - Part 3 May 16, 2010

Agree and Disagree in Love!

Part 3

Philippians 4:1-9(MSG)

May 16, 2010

Rev. Nancy Pfaltzgraf

On May 6^th I opened the Upper Room[1] to begin my daily meditation and I read this reflection written by Ted De Hass:

The pastor was gone today, and our local high-school music teacher preached. He spoke about "the fifth voice," an idea I had never heard of. He drew the concept from the singing of barbershop quartets. "The fifth voice" refers to the one harmony created by the four voices as they join together in song. The unified sound becomes like a fifth voice.

Just as a group of singers can be more than each of them is alone, Christians living in love create something more than they could on their own. The day before Jesus was crucified, he told his disciples that the world would know that they were his followers by the way they related to one another, that they were to cherish and care for one another.

First Corinthians 13 describes the characteristics of this Christian love. Paul exhorted the Corinthians to be patient and kind, to turn aside from jealousy, boastfulness, pride, rudeness, selfishness, and irritability. Love forgives and lets go of hurts and offenses of the past. When Christians live together in love, the world hears a voice it needs to hear: the fifth voice that reveals the presence of the Savior.

As I thought about Ted's words and that famous "love chapter" from 1 Corinthians, I thought about the fact that Paul wrote these words to a group of Christians who were in the midst of a heated conflict on the subject of spiritual gifts. I also thought that it is perhaps in the midst of conflicts and disagreements that we have the greatest opportunity to witness to the kind of love that allows the light of God to be revealed in us and through us. Then I thought -"that is easier said than done!"

To agree and disagree in love takes prayer; it takes humility; it takes commitment; it takes learning and making an effort to use the best practices in communication; it takes a belief that God walks with us in the midst of our conflicts and disagreements; it takes the belief that such conflicts and disagreements are opportunities that God can use to grow all of us more fully into the people God knows we can become; and it takes a deep desire not only for one's own wholeness, but for the wholeness of all people. It is because we sensed God's call to grow in each of these areas that one of our 2008 Vision Goals was to "maintain and promote healthy communications and implement a formal conflict resolution process." To help us live into that goal the members of our Governing Board have been exploring a document called Agreeing and Disagreeing in Love.[2] It is also why this is the third of three sermons that explore various aspects of what it might mean to agree and disagree in love.

Part of our exploration over the past two weeks has pointed us to an acknowledgement that a large portion of what we call the New Testament either recalls a time of conflict for Jesus and/or the disciples or it was written in direct response to a conflict among believers in an effort to help the followers of Jesus learn how to live in love even as they dealt with differing ideas, points of view and understandings of the gospel message. Even though I have known this since my earliest days in seminary, I was nevertheless surprised when I discovered that Paul's injunction to the Philippians to fill their minds with "things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse," were written because two leaders in the church, two women who had labored for the gospel were in conflict with one another! I have known and loved these verses for years, but I had never seen their connection to conflict transformation. Yet as I read them a few weeks ago that is what began to surface.

Then this week as I was meditating about how to deal with some current day conflicts it hit me like a bolt of lightening. What I often do -and I don't think I am alone- is when someone has verbally hurt me by engaging in name calling or bullying or any of the other unhealthy and unhelpful communication patterns or by giving me the cold shoulder or ignoring me and my ideas then I stew about it; that is I go over and over the offense and the more I do, the more hurt I am and the more anything else they say or do just gets added to the pile of dirt their words or actions have laid at my feet. What might happen, I wondered, if I took Paul's counsel to heart and began looking for the best in the other person, focusing on appreciating what is good about them and our relationship, assuming the best intentions for their words rather than assuming they were out to hurt me? What might happen if I focused on what I want the relationship to be and, taking a page from Paul's wisdom, instead of fretting and worrying began to pray; not for the other person to change, but for God to give me wisdom and insight, humility and understanding, a heart open and ready to forgive and a mind free and willing to be changed? Perhaps Paul is saying that the attitude we carry into any attempt to resolve a conflict is a key factor in whether or not healing and reconciliation will happen.

But then I noticed something else about this passage. It is part of a letter written to the whole community of faith in Philippe. In a sermon on this passage Richard C. Brand makes these observations:

There was a deep tear in the Body of Christ and Paul mentions it. ... We know it is a significant issue because Paul chose to mention it in the letter to be read publicly before the whole church. ... Paul mentions the conflict publicly because it is the public work of the people of God to work to make peace. ... It is not that the people of God will never have conflicts or quarrels (why should we think anything so absurd?), but it is that the people of God, the Church, ought to be the place where it acknowledges those quarrels and resolves them. Paul believes that is how the church makes visible the reality of the love and grace of God.[3]

It is true isn't it, that we sometimes need others who will stand in loving communion with all parties in a disagreement to help them work through the issues and find their way to reconciliation. One of the most destructive things in any community is when other people begin to take sides, adding fuel to the fires of dissension. Rather, we need each other to pray, when prayer is too difficult for us to do alone. We need we each other to remind us of the good, when hurt seems to obscure every other reality. We need we each other to help us listen with head and heart as each person seeks to speak their particular truth. We need each other to call us on our blind spots and to remind us that we see and know only in part. We need each other to remind us to speak in love and call us to account when we do not. We need each other to remind us of the best that we are and the best we can be.

Paul often uses the image of the body of Christ for the community of faith. Now we know it is true that when one part of our body suffers, not only does our whole body suffer, but all of the resources of our body get to work to bring healing and the relief of pain. So it is that as we learn more and more about healthy communication, as we allow kindness, compassion, humility, patience and peace to guide our way, we will be equipped to get to work to bring reconciliation and healing to the whole body. As we do we will become a healthier, stronger, more vibrant community of faith, through whom the world will hear that fifth voice -the voice that reveals the power of God's love. May it be so. Amen.