Sermon: Leading by Example

Take for example our morning drive to day care: Me behind the wheel, navigating through heavy traffic on Weber Road, kids in the back munchin' on granola bars singing chipmunks songs - yes, we have a good time - when all of a sudden a smart-alec hot shot in a car so expensive I can't afford to LOOK at it cuts me off and slams on his brakes!

First - a check on the boys to make sure swallowed granola remains swallowed and those expensive carseats have done their job. Everyone good? Okay. Whew!

NOW - the hard part.... *NOT* *SWEARING*!!!

(And believe me - I'm very well capable of it too. Lot's of practice!)

"Daddy - what happened!?"

I know the response running through my head at this moment is NOT the one that should become audible. In fact, as not only as a parent - but as a person trying to be, in general, more calm and even-keeled in such situations - I have to flip a switch in my mind to remain at ease and even toned and .... Well, let's just say positive about the prospect of the rest of the drive.

"Don't know son! That man must have had an emergency and didn't see us! We'd better be careful and watch out, and make sure we get to Terri's house okay! Sound good?"

"Yeah!" (and of course this is Julian talking, so usually I get some instruction too) "Be careful Daddy!"

"Alrighty! Good! (getting back to the music)... 'I told the witch doctor I was in love with you...' "

And believe me - the singing helps - you can reset most any situation with a song!

Whatever it is that the boys and I - or anyone in a similar situation - are processing at that moment, the question is "WHAT is taken or gained from the experience?" Physically, we're okay - just a close call; PSYCHOLOGICALLY what was the message we sent? What was the OPPORTUNITY out of the situation that presented itself?!

These are the times I cherish as a father: when I have been given - AND RECOGNIZE - an opportunity to talk things out and help my son put perspective on something. It's not easy to field all those questions kids have about why did this happen or what does that mean or how come he gets to do that but you said I can't. etc. etc. And talking through these things with the boys really does help me be a better person and learn a thing or two myself. I have learned more naturally about good and bad just from wanting my kids to know - because now I have to explain it and more importantly - ACT on it.

After dropping off the boys and getting back in the car to continue my morning drive up I-55, the near-miss from before runs over and over through my head. It eats away at me and makes me very angry and upset! What gives that jerk the right to cut me off like that?! As many of you could testify - it very well can determine how the rest of your day might go!

And along that same drive, before getting on - or after getting off of the interstate - it is not uncommon to see a homeless person - usually a man - searching for a little hope in the windshields of oncoming cars. Half shamed / Half optimistic. And it is hard to contemplate my Christian duty that tells me "find a buck and roll down that window Shawn!" vs. my self-centered, paranoid character that is screaming "keep the window up dummy, so you can get home and watch the news, not BE on the news"

We know we want to suppress the "screams" - just as earlier we kept from cussing out the guy in the BMW.... Only this time - it's HARDER. There are no kids watching. There are no bosses watching. It's just you, your car, that beggar..... And GOD.

* * * *

It is moments like the morning drive when we define who we are; when we try to help our kids know what is good and right. Putting it down on a piece of paper or a resume, or reciting it to someone is merely allegation - ACTION is what defines us, and defines our faith. And ACTION is what others around us or in our care see as proof of our faith and our love with God.

But families are struggling with action. The very composition of family LIFE in our homes has changed: Of the two-parent households that are left in this world, many of them have both adults working outside the home - and long hours at that! Many functions that were carried out in the home are outsourced now: Day care centers for kids, retirement homes for the aging, recreation and after-school programs for youth... and in the realm of religious education, one hour on Sunday mornings (and in some cases a few hours on Wednesday night) is the SOLE source of our guidance in our children's faith. Not for all of us - but for too many of us....

If we want our kids to be stronger in their faith than we were or are - we must do MORE than what was done for us, not less!

In his book "Will Our Children Have Faith?", Professor John Westerhoff, III notes:

"To be Christian is to ask: 'What can I bring to another?' Not: 'What do I want that person to know or be?' It means being open to learn from another person (even a child) as well as to share one's understandings and ways."

We are given opportunities every day to be examples of faith and testaments of love and to prove we know Jesus. And sometimes we see those chances right away and act on them, and sometimes its just too hard, or too obscure, or not the right time. Or we don't want to see it...

I sometimes "reflect ahead", and wonder if I will be remembered by my family as a son, brother, husband, and father that loved with all my heart and soul? Will my faith come through in my actions and will I be known as a positive, nurturing, supportive, and involved Christian? Will those that knew me be able to testify to my relationship with the lord, or will the church I attended merely be a sentence in my obituary?!'

And to be quite honest with you, there are some nights when I can not proudly answer some of these questions.

As every parent has - I've lost my temper with my boys and reprimanded them in a manner and tone exceeding the offense. I have not hugged them enough or told them I loved them enough as I could.

It is times of reflection like this that my mind turns to the millions of families in the world trying to work through more complicated challenges than I could ever imagine. Hunger. Poverty. Disabilities and rehabilitation issues.

And what about Bias, Prejudice, Paranoia, and social issues other families that aren't of a majority race or sexual orientation or traditional nuclear structure.....?!

What about the homeless man who has to explain the good and bad to his family and himself has to muster the courage and faith to go out each day and try and make it a little further than he did the day before?!

I have a healthy, white, inter-gender family with two amazing and brilliant boys - for all the "struggle" I perceive in my life sometimes, when you get right down to it - it is so EASY for me because I have that much more time I can devote to teaching about the mere rights and wrongs of the world.

We all struggle to live out what our faith means to us; and what we profess to have in a relationship with God. Acting in the interest of that faith ALL THE TIME is not an easy thing to do. We battle - especially as parents and role models - with a "do as I say, not as I DO" method of instruction sometimes.

We want our kids to reach out to others in school or church to make them feel welcome - wouldn't it make sense that we do the same?! When we see a new face worshipping with us on Sundays... when a new person starts at work... when a single mother hauling 4 ankle biters in the parking lot at Jewel doesn't see one go astray in the path of passing cars.... We do what we can, right? It's not hard. It makes sense. We even feel better at the end of the day having done the right things?

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Call to Action

There is always TIME to be an example of peace and love - to "live out our faith". If you woke up today - you have time to show others through your actions that you know what love and faith are all about. You have time, parents, to show your kids how great and how effective a WORKING Christianity can be. You have time, KIDS, to be attentive to your parents and elders and learn from their experiences as you consider your options in the hours, days, months, and years ahead.

The car ride example I offered was used because I happened to be fairly successful with that opportunity. The things that haunt me over and over though are all of the other missed opportunities in any given day. Situations that I maybe didn't capitalize on enough to further guide my children

- Adults overheard swearing nearby.

- Neighbors down the road playing with illegal fireworks.

- Teenagers weaving in and out of the street near a blind curve with their bikes.

- Other kids yelling at their parents or not following instruction.

And these are just the things I encounter in the immediate environment - it doesn't even begin to touch on what my kids might see on the TV or computer!

Do we judge?

Do we try to point out ALL the bad stuff and explain it?

Do we ask our children what - if anything - they might have just seen or heard?

Where do we draw the line as a parent? What do we try to explain and talk through with our children and What do we leave for them to sort out on their own?

How do we know?...

We TALK about it!

We should focus on the positives in our lives and our environment - encouraging our kids to do the same. Love them - and our fellow adults - for what they can be.... But more importantly also for who they are!

We show them how - we must lead by example. Where to start? How about by upping the quality of our own relationship with God? Filling our hearts with more love and even making more frequent our prayers and efforts for others. It's kind of like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first before getting your child situated. I mean - you can't be of any assistance to them in a time of need if you yourself aren't spiritually taken care of.

Strengthen our love as a family at home through our relationship - together - with God. God is already on a first-name basis with us and our kids, why not settle in and talk with God just as we would any other old friend?!

We must try to do more, because we CAN. People like seeing and doing good things. Kids just want straight answers from their parents. Employees just want straight answers from their bosses. Christians want straight answers from their God. Christians OWE God straight answers and action as well. But we must answer through more than just song and reading.

HOW?

The answer is different for every family and every situation. We must at least try our best to LOOK OUT for such opportunities. And if we're not parents, perhaps the opportunities come in different aspects of our lives. As grandparents; as leaders in our professions or offices; as neighbors and servants to our community and church...

... As loving partners in a relationship with Christ.

In his writing, Westerhoff notes:

"I have learned that most people either want to leave everything to God or to humanity.... Both (types) are unaware that God has created a world in which God can accomplish nothing without our help and we can accomplish nothing without God's help. For us, the issue is to discern what God would like to accomplish, and to ask God how we might cooperate, knowing that TOGETHER all things are possible, and there is hope."

The important responsibility we have in the variety of roles we play in life is to come through on the action that is called for - to give those straight answers and teach those lessons. And the best news is: ACTION doesn't cost us anything but a little time and burning a few more calories. Whether parenting, leading in a professional environment, or just being a good neighbor or fellow worshipper; we must assess what we are doing, and what we CAN be doing.

Our friend Tom Norwalk treated us two weeks ago with a song called "People Need the Lord". Beautiful song, great message! But people need each other too - and I can't think of a single time when it isn't beneficial to us when we see in each other evidence of a peaceful, personal realized relationship with God. "Together, all things are possible".

And whether they are our own children, our nieces and nephews, grandkids, or even just neighbors; There is nothing - NOTHING - that could be lost from making sure we lead by example for our younger brothers and sisters in Christ.

There are always opportunities to lead by example and profess the benefits of our love with God by the greatest testament of all - our actions!

AMEN

"You see that a person is justified by what he DOES, and not by faith alone."