Living Love
I John 3:16-20 & 4: 17-18 & 20-21 (MSG)
May 14, 2006 - Mother's Day
Rev. Nancy Pfaltzgraf
To say that Mother's Day has not always been my favorite celebration is the understatement of the year. As a child, of course, I loved making stuff for my mom. And as a mom I loved all the precious gifts my children created just for me. Even so, the truth is that, as a young mother who was quite insecure about her mothering skills, I actually hated Mother's Day. To me, being a good mother was the most important job I would ever have. Yet, what training did I have? I spent twelve years in school getting a basic education. I spent four years in college learning how to be a nurse. I would also spend another four years in seminary learning how to be a pastor. But where could I go to learn how to be a good mother? So when Mother's Day rolled around it seemed that all the cards extolling the virtues of mothers and the sermons and poems that often put mothers on a pedestal, just a little lower than God and the angels, left me feeling even more inadequate and insecure about my role as a mother.
In time, however, my insecurities began to lessen and my attitude toward Mother's Day began to shift a little. I remember one day as I stood in my back yard. My daughter was two years old and she gave flesh and blood meaning to the phrase "terrible twos." I remember crying out to God, tears running down my checks, silently screaming, "What am I supposed to do with her? I don't know how to control her. I don't know how to make her behave. I'm a failure as a mother! What am I supposed to do?" In the silence that followed a voice so clear it might have come from someone standing beside me, spoke inside my head, saying, "Just love her the way I love you. That's all you have to do to be a good mother. Just love her!"
In time, through reading lots of books, spending untold hours praying for wisdom and guidance, and listening to caring friends, I came to understand that such love was enacted as I sought to cherish my children and call forth their uniqueness, their gifts and their own inherent wisdom and beauty. Yes, I had to make a safe container in which they could grow and make sure they knew how to get along in society. But my most important job was to nurture their own unique growth in much the same way one nurtures the growth of seeds planted in the garden. I needed to till and tend the soil of our lives, providing just the right amount of moisture, learning what mixture of nutrients would feed them so they would grow healthy and strong, and removing rocks and weeds that could hinder their growth and mine.
But the most major shift in my attitude toward Mother's Day took place when I came to understand both its origins and its potential. In the United States the earliest call for a Mothers' Day was initiated in 1858 by Anna Reeves Jarvis, a local teacher and church member, who called mothers together to work for improved sanitation in her town. In 1870 Julia Ward Howe also tried to establish a Mother's Day by issuing a Mother's Day Proclamation and then in 1872 she began promoting the idea of a "Mother's Day for Peace" to be celebrated on June 2, honoring peace, motherhood and womanhood. Her proclamation read in part:
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead. Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace...each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God.
- 1 -
What we know as Mother's Day finally came to pass in 1914 through the efforts of Anna Jarvis, the daughter of Anna Reeves Jarvis, who sought to honor the work of her mother and all women to build a better world. As important as it is to honor and say thank you to our mothers, somehow these early aspects of Mother's Day have gotten lost in the cards and the flowers and the gifts.
In 2002 at the Global Peace Iniiative of Women Religious and Spiritual Leaders, Amma, a renowned religious leader from India, captured the heart of what those originators of Mother's Day had envisioned when she said,
t
"With the power of motherhood within her, a woman can influence the entire world. The love of awakened motherhood is a love and compassion felt not only toward one's own children, but toward all people, animals and plants, rocks and rivers -a love extended to all beings. ... The essence of motherhood is not restricted to women who have given birth; it is a principle inherent in both women and men. It is the attitude of the mind. It is love -- and that love is the very breath of life.
It is such love, the love embodied in Jesus, that the author if I John calls us to live.
In her book Urgent Message from Mother: Gather the Women, Save the World, Jean Shinoda Bolen writes:
"Women want a world that is safe for children. ... For peace to become a reality, women have to gather together, learn from each other, and then work with men toward ending violence as a means of winning arguments or gaining power -in households or in the world."
In 1979 Pope John Paul II said, "To reach peace, teach peace." So this year, I'd like to reclaim the origins of this special day and share with you a wonderful resource I found on the Institute for Peace and Justice website. It was created by Jim and Kathleen McGinnis creators of the Parenting for Pace and Justice Network. It is titled simply the Family Pledge of Nonviolence. There are also versions of this pledge for schools, congregations, and youth groups. As I read it, it seemed to me to be a wonderful tool that we can use to tend the garden of our families -no matter how old or young they are, whether or not we have children- to insure that all of us grow into the people God created to become. It is also, I believe, one way to put our love for our children and for the world into tangible actions. It is a tangible way to empower our families to be Jesus to the world. You each have a copy of the family pledge -which I adapted by adding some of the language that I found in the Preschool Pledge, since many of you have very young children. In closing, I'd like us to read through the pledge together, beginning with "To Respect .."
To Respect Myself and Others
To respect myself, to affirm others and to avoid uncaring criticism, hateful words, physical attacks and self-destructive behavior.
To Communicate Better (To Say How I Feel)
To share my feelings honestly, to look for safe ways to express my anger and to work at solving problems peacefully. [to practice safe ways to talk and act when I feel mad, and to work out my problems peacefully.]
To Listen
To listen carefully to one another, especially those who disagree with me, and to consider others' feelings and needs rather than insist on having my own way.
To Forgive
To apologize and make amends when I have hurt another, to forgive others, and to keep from holding grudges. [To say "I'm sorry" and mean it when I've hurt a person, to forgive others when they hurt me, and to "check in" ("Are you ok?") when I see someone who is sad.]
- 2 -
To Respect Nature [the Environment]
To treat the environment and all living things, including our pets, with respect and care. [To treat the environment (places we live, work and play) and all living things (people, animals, and plants) with respect and care.]
To Play Creatively [Safely]
To select entertainment and toys that support our family's values and to avoid entertainment that makes violence look exciting, funny or acceptable. [To play in fair and safe ways, and to only use toys, watch TV programs or play games where people and animals are treated safely and fairly.
To Be Courageous [To Be a Strong and Fair Friend]
To challenge violence in all its forms whenever I encounter it, whether at home, at school, at work, or in the community, and to stand with others who are treated unfairly. To speak up whenever I see anybody or anything being treated unfairly.
My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. [I John 3:18] And in this way we will take Jesus to the world.
A Happy, Joyous, Peace-filled Mother's Day to each and every one of you! Amen.
- 3 -
I John 3:16-20 & 4: 17-18 & 20-21 (MSG)
May 14, 2006 - Mother's Day
Rev. Nancy Pfaltzgraf
To say that Mother's Day has not always been my favorite celebration is the understatement of the year. As a child, of course, I loved making stuff for my mom. And as a mom I loved all the precious gifts my children created just for me. Even so, the truth is that, as a young mother who was quite insecure about her mothering skills, I actually hated Mother's Day. To me, being a good mother was the most important job I would ever have. Yet, what training did I have? I spent twelve years in school getting a basic education. I spent four years in college learning how to be a nurse. I would also spend another four years in seminary learning how to be a pastor. But where could I go to learn how to be a good mother? So when Mother's Day rolled around it seemed that all the cards extolling the virtues of mothers and the sermons and poems that often put mothers on a pedestal, just a little lower than God and the angels, left me feeling even more inadequate and insecure about my role as a mother.
In time, however, my insecurities began to lessen and my attitude toward Mother's Day began to shift a little. I remember one day as I stood in my back yard. My daughter was two years old and she gave flesh and blood meaning to the phrase "terrible twos." I remember crying out to God, tears running down my checks, silently screaming, "What am I supposed to do with her? I don't know how to control her. I don't know how to make her behave. I'm a failure as a mother! What am I supposed to do?" In the silence that followed a voice so clear it might have come from someone standing beside me, spoke inside my head, saying, "Just love her the way I love you. That's all you have to do to be a good mother. Just love her!"
In time, through reading lots of books, spending untold hours praying for wisdom and guidance, and listening to caring friends, I came to understand that such love was enacted as I sought to cherish my children and call forth their uniqueness, their gifts and their own inherent wisdom and beauty. Yes, I had to make a safe container in which they could grow and make sure they knew how to get along in society. But my most important job was to nurture their own unique growth in much the same way one nurtures the growth of seeds planted in the garden. I needed to till and tend the soil of our lives, providing just the right amount of moisture, learning what mixture of nutrients would feed them so they would grow healthy and strong, and removing rocks and weeds that could hinder their growth and mine.
But the most major shift in my attitude toward Mother's Day took place when I came to understand both its origins and its potential. In the United States the earliest call for a Mothers' Day was initiated in 1858 by Anna Reeves Jarvis, a local teacher and church member, who called mothers together to work for improved sanitation in her town. In 1870 Julia Ward Howe also tried to establish a Mother's Day by issuing a Mother's Day Proclamation and then in 1872 she began promoting the idea of a "Mother's Day for Peace" to be celebrated on June 2, honoring peace, motherhood and womanhood. Her proclamation read in part:
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead. Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace...each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God.
- 1 -
What we know as Mother's Day finally came to pass in 1914 through the efforts of Anna Jarvis, the daughter of Anna Reeves Jarvis, who sought to honor the work of her mother and all women to build a better world. As important as it is to honor and say thank you to our mothers, somehow these early aspects of Mother's Day have gotten lost in the cards and the flowers and the gifts.
In 2002 at the Global Peace Iniiative of Women Religious and Spiritual Leaders, Amma, a renowned religious leader from India, captured the heart of what those originators of Mother's Day had envisioned when she said,
t
"With the power of motherhood within her, a woman can influence the entire world. The love of awakened motherhood is a love and compassion felt not only toward one's own children, but toward all people, animals and plants, rocks and rivers -a love extended to all beings. ... The essence of motherhood is not restricted to women who have given birth; it is a principle inherent in both women and men. It is the attitude of the mind. It is love -- and that love is the very breath of life.
It is such love, the love embodied in Jesus, that the author if I John calls us to live.
In her book Urgent Message from Mother: Gather the Women, Save the World, Jean Shinoda Bolen writes:
"Women want a world that is safe for children. ... For peace to become a reality, women have to gather together, learn from each other, and then work with men toward ending violence as a means of winning arguments or gaining power -in households or in the world."
In 1979 Pope John Paul II said, "To reach peace, teach peace." So this year, I'd like to reclaim the origins of this special day and share with you a wonderful resource I found on the Institute for Peace and Justice website. It was created by Jim and Kathleen McGinnis creators of the Parenting for Pace and Justice Network. It is titled simply the Family Pledge of Nonviolence. There are also versions of this pledge for schools, congregations, and youth groups. As I read it, it seemed to me to be a wonderful tool that we can use to tend the garden of our families -no matter how old or young they are, whether or not we have children- to insure that all of us grow into the people God created to become. It is also, I believe, one way to put our love for our children and for the world into tangible actions. It is a tangible way to empower our families to be Jesus to the world. You each have a copy of the family pledge -which I adapted by adding some of the language that I found in the Preschool Pledge, since many of you have very young children. In closing, I'd like us to read through the pledge together, beginning with "To Respect .."
To Respect Myself and Others
To respect myself, to affirm others and to avoid uncaring criticism, hateful words, physical attacks and self-destructive behavior.
To Communicate Better (To Say How I Feel)
To share my feelings honestly, to look for safe ways to express my anger and to work at solving problems peacefully. [to practice safe ways to talk and act when I feel mad, and to work out my problems peacefully.]
To Listen
To listen carefully to one another, especially those who disagree with me, and to consider others' feelings and needs rather than insist on having my own way.
To Forgive
To apologize and make amends when I have hurt another, to forgive others, and to keep from holding grudges. [To say "I'm sorry" and mean it when I've hurt a person, to forgive others when they hurt me, and to "check in" ("Are you ok?") when I see someone who is sad.]
- 2 -
To Respect Nature [the Environment]
To treat the environment and all living things, including our pets, with respect and care. [To treat the environment (places we live, work and play) and all living things (people, animals, and plants) with respect and care.]
To Play Creatively [Safely]
To select entertainment and toys that support our family's values and to avoid entertainment that makes violence look exciting, funny or acceptable. [To play in fair and safe ways, and to only use toys, watch TV programs or play games where people and animals are treated safely and fairly.
To Be Courageous [To Be a Strong and Fair Friend]
To challenge violence in all its forms whenever I encounter it, whether at home, at school, at work, or in the community, and to stand with others who are treated unfairly. To speak up whenever I see anybody or anything being treated unfairly.
My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. [I John 3:18] And in this way we will take Jesus to the world.
A Happy, Joyous, Peace-filled Mother's Day to each and every one of you! Amen.
- 3 -
